look over there! oh, wait, what's that… ooh, hello!

I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling "I've not done enough" with my life so far.  What happened to all those dream?

But they were more than dreams.  They were realities. So what happened?  And when? And how?

When does an ambition morph into a hobby?  That's a bit sad, isn't it?

How are we supposed to decide what to focus on in *this* lifetime?

It seems this whole train of thought is one of those all-important areas in life that no one prepares you for!  And that's ok.  I'm just saying.

So over Christmas 2013 I started seriously thinking about the things i didn't want to slip away, the things i wasn't going to let fade, melt and slip between the cracks of 21st Century 'life'.

For me, this means making time - and yes, a conscious effort - to explore/get back into the following:

Music making 

Shaking things up with different software. using a different DAW, being faster & looser - less precious, *posting* stuff.

(Oh, and by the way, do please message me if you can recommend a good book on Orchestration/frequencies?)

Arduino

Circuitry tinkering, making bots, etc. (We're going on holiday in March.  My first thought after my other half told me it was booked was "who's going to feed the cat?". My second thought was "well, I know I could. By text. So why not?)

Photography

Trying new things - equipment, styles, an exhibition? why not? Why *didn't* I do it two years ago?

Creative writing

Writing 'that novel'. I'm halfway through hammering out the first 50,000 word draft.  And no, i have no idea what it is about. Yet.  As I told someone last week "it hasn't told me yet". (And yes, i cringed too.)

A coffee blog/notebook

What was that amazing coffee I was drinking late last summer that tasted of burnt marzipan and had an aftertaste of peppery confusion? Where did i buy it from? Where was it farmed? I wonder how that farmer's family are…

So that's enough to be getting on with for the next 315~ days, right? Hmm.  I was talking to a dear friend about this recently and he's going through a similar process, I think. But admirably, he's far less 'dictatorial' with himself than I am. But we both agree that it doesn't matter what, how, when, as long as you keep trying - by which I think we both  meant *doing*.

Not in a 'room full of monkeys at typewriters' way, but….well, maybe one monkey.

Anyway.

I'll be posting random updates here.

Probably sporadically.

Hopefully frequently.

Almost certainly not regularly.

Be happy and well, whoever & wherever you may be.

Love from The London.

Before I forget...

In the old day, when I'd treat myself to hours grazing and craving and deliberating in a bookshop, I'd find eventually find myself at the till hours later, with an armful of 'must read's.

Nowadays, I manage to talk myself down to a more 'sensible'* number of books and have taken to photographing the ones I find particularly hard to walk away from.

I thought I'd share the latest here.




* age and sensibility seem to stagger along hand in hand. I've yet to come to terms with this. There's a reason why 'sensibilty' and 'senility' share so many letters. I fear this will grow more apparent at the years (and books) go by...
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on O2

cartoon #1

Made with Paper

Sent from my iPad

this week

this quiet week is here
soft smelling rain tempts ideas
will I look back satisfied?

Garden Cinema

I opened the door
Was given a ticket
Was warned for the evening
Not to part with it

I walked through the house
And into the garden
Two chairs and a laptop
And small coloured lanterns

You poured me a drink
Gave me a blanket
Fed me, pressed 'play'
In our cinema so secret

"Let my machine talk to me..."

Here we go again
ECG for breakfast
Machine on machine

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

monday morning quiet

a photo by bobcat rock on Flickr.

monday morning quiet
planning my day, i sip you
in the warm spring sun

i should do something

Sometimes

Sometimes I can hear where the music wants to go....and I just can't keep up...

(a thought)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

it's a brave new world (I do believe in the light)

I heading home after attending an information evening at the Central London branch of the Samaritans.

It feels a bit weird blogging this for several reasons. Firstly, I've not posted for a while. Secondly, i can't help but feel a bit 'self-righteous' blogging such a thing. Thirdly, it's only me - hardly the most interesting of characters.

But, hey.

I'm going to try and get back into posting more - or at least more regularly.

As for this feeling 'self-righteous', I'll take that risk. I've been considering - actually, I've been looking for - volunteering opportunities for over a year now, and I think working with the Samaritans might offer the kind of challenges, flexibility and opportunities to really help fellow human beings on a one-to-one basis.

And I had no idea that not only do they need people to do the classic manning-of-phones, but also to visit schools, prisons, etc.

If you're accepted as a volunteer, you're asked to work three shifts a month: two daytime/evening shifts and at least one nighttime shift.

So. We'll see. Next step is to go to an assessment event, then what sounds like some pretty fluid, but solid training, before you're put on the phones.

The information hour was pretty full, which seemed to surprise everyone, considering the bitter cold, promised snow and tube strike. And it was fascinating that practically everyone in my group was also either training or considering training as a qualified counsellor.

The inner hippy in me was welling up with 'motions.

Nervous, excited and humbled so far.

I'll keep you posted...

(This blog post was powered by 30 Seconds To Mars. And ooh, look; I'm in Peckham already!)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Westminster

this used to be the future

talking life, ideas, variables and some v scary but exciting possibilities with @robertbrook.

I've missed his counsel. Hope I have the ability to remember and the courage to act.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Post-Latitude

We were in the Sun
Drinking, laughing, listening
Now we're back at work


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

remember when

Remember when the sun woke us up?
we rubbed our eyes, and in silence, sat up.

How, at first, we doubted the weather;
until we knew it always starts stormy, then gets better.

How we bought too much to eat,
when we packed the car for our Hebridean retreat?

How the cows & sheep came to say hello,
curious lambs with big ears - in the Sun - aglow!

Remember how we read in bed?
Ancient fairytales, pillowed heads.

How we planned the next day's fun -
marvelling at how far we'd come.

How at night, there wasn't a sound,
except the wind whistling around.

How everyone waved as they went by
how hard to drive, when the deer catches your eye!

How the heart seemed stronger than the sea;
the early ferry wrenching us from our sleep.

Remember what we said back there
And in five years time, let's go back...

Swear?



-- Post From My iPhone

we explored

a piece of fruit
foreign to you
a new land
we explored
hand in hand

a few days away
to learn and to play
our first trip
(a strange word, that -
for this)

a thousand memories
a city of dreams
a new start
skin, texture
taste, heart

a piece of fruit
a new taste in your mouth
a reminder for me
a shared feast
quiet, happy, at ease

5, 7, 5

fingers poised, twitching

hovver above the keyboard

before hitting 'send'




(friday haiku from cow-orker)

on faith

i'm not an 'overtly' religious person. and like most people (i suspect), any thoughts i have on the matter have always been kept to myself, for one reason or another.

i have always been perplexed by faith, Man's need for it, the things Man has done - and continues to do in it's name and in the quest for it. i realised at a very young age that pretty much all pain, war, misery, cruelty, suffering Man has committed and endured has it's roots in religion or faith.

but come the 21st century, we can tweet such inner thoughts. and i did this morning. just the one thought. and the responses came back. so, i thought i'd share them here...

@redalexred said "I like to think it's knowledge without proof."

@simonplotkin offered "belief in spite of lack of evidence."

@713punky proffered "having faith doesn't require proof. faith is a belief that everything will happen as it should."

then added

"faith is believing that no matter what proves otherwise,, you still commit."

@ilicco defined 'faith' as "Faith IMO allows u 2blame some1 else when things don't go ur way, & thank some1 else when they do. Keeps u from blaming urself."

what i love about what happened this morning, is what i love about twitter; what to me, is the essence of twitter. every now & then, a tweet will inspire or coax the most head-scratching, heart warming profundities. yes, to the depths of 140 characters; and beyond.

the thought provoking replies also surprised me, in that they made me trawl back through my twitterstream on the bus to work, to re-read my original tweet.

how had i referred to faith? in what context had i suggested or used the word? for, to me, the above responses opened the meaning wide up.

and maybe that was the greatest gift.

faith isn't always of a religious nature. is it? or maybe it is religious by nature?

the individual hearts of the above twitterati seemed to shine through in their responses and made me smile.

i could have told you who had tweeted each of the above thoughts without knowing in advance.

or i'd like to think i would.

either way, i wanted to share.

because these things should be.

i find it fascinating that we all seem to either claim 'ownership' of our faith, or give praise and thanks for it, like it is something bestowed on us. maybe it is.

it seems to me that faith is often blamed for people not taking ownership or responsibility. but, in the handful of tweeted thoughts above, this all seemed turned on it's head. not something i've ever thought of before. i read in there, proud claims on faith. as if to say 'this is my faith, and it makes this possible.'

but then, it was a long bus journey and it's been a long day... and i think too much...

heartfelt thanks to those who answered my random tweet this morning & gave me further food for thought.

you were right

you were right
it's too wide
this landscape of night

legs restlessly reach
long, lazy, lonely swipes
this nocturnal kicking sleep

pillows laugh from the floor
too light, glowing
in the darkness between

turn for a different view
arms still imagine you
my skin knows I'm missing you

you were right

4 x 4 (Part 3)

Part 3.

Sunday.

3m 33secs.

(an observation: the thing about this little experiment is that it allows little time to mull over ideas - everything is done on the fly. the most revision i've done is to scrap an idea 20-30mins in, only to start again. nothing i've done so far seems particularly good/exciting, but i think today's is the one i'm least unhappy with. we'll see what tomorrow holds...)

4 in 4: part 2

Part 2.

Saturday.

2m 22secs.

"...the jingle-jangle of a thousand lost souls..."

'enjoy'.